picked up a tip from a spector whispering by

she whistled; “do what is right, do what is just; use your mind and you can fly”

at first it seemed odd to take notes from an unliving host

but then i realized she’s seen more than most

and as thoughts began to take hold, along came a leprechaun a millennia old

and the words he spoke were “respect all; that IS the pot of gold”

and as he saw the words he spoke; i took of note; he vanished into a beggars cloak

as i tried to understand what i had seen, along came dwarves of three

they happily cheered to me “love, love, love is the way to be”

then along came the devil and i was scared out of my mind

but he spoke “worry not child, you are not one of mine”

“the things you’ve witnessed are all true, and i’m not here for you”

“you’ve learned a valuable lesson from me; ‘to trust, is not to believe’”

wrote a new poem. if you want to see it, let me know

poem/life

maybe life is depressing

we all secretly enjoy the rainy days

maybe to truly live you gotta be mean

choosing to die, we stay nice and lost in the maze

i haven’t had a good day if i haven’t felt pain

white wedding dresses asks to be stained

filling up the walls with empty picture frames

loosing my blood in the wind

i feel like a psycho who loves the void

sins are strictly paper thin

ghosts love to play hop scotch - don’t interrupt - they get very, very annoyed

and i’m dancing to the broken hooked on phonics record

eagles who throw away their cell phones, learn to soar

i swear, with all the people in the world, people are a bore

even the devil gets lonely

and the people in heaven still get sad

we all want skills like bruce lee

but we’re happier to miss what we once had

~Nicholas Wilde

Dear Microsoft

poop on it. i'll just EDIT IT ALL OUT. HIDE THE TRUTH. ERASE IT ALL!

i've been listening to more and more Eric Clapton

damnit. damnit. damnit. stuck in other peoples views of my writings again. wtf happened. lastnight i could write so freely.

need that feeling back.

blackpox

Trying to say what I really want to say. It’s difficult to do said act. Especially knowing I’m going to post this in view of other people. Especially knowing I’m going to post this in view of other people and am social phobic and paranoid about others.

I called myself “blackp0x” on youtube. That’s my old name.
Blackpox is the great equalizer. Blackpox makes us all equal.
-
Ebola, only spreads through blood. Yes, it’s estimated by some to have a 95% fatality ratio in the peple it infects, but that’s only because it’s spread in Africa, in remote and poor regions where there are no real hospitals. The hospitals can’t sanitize properly there, so if one person comes in with ebola, the rest of the hospital gets it……
“Blackpox” on the other hand, is a made up version of ebola that spreads like the cold. Touch someone, your sick. Cough, and someone gets sick from you.
Imagine that, a common cold with a 95% death ratio.

We as people , especially here in the USA , like to think we’re safe.

Blackpox wouldn’t care if you’re rich, if your white or black, or if you’re happy or sad or living in California or your 83 years old or 2 years old. Blackpox wouldn’t care.
In the eyes of blackpox, we’re all the same, that is to say we’re people who are all so fucking famous in our shitty little brains that we matter. That I am important, when I’m not. That you are attractive, when you should get over it, you’re just a person.
Blackpox would kill without discrimination. Even hitler chose his victims. Blackpox would not.

We’re all equal in blackpox’ eyes.

Think about it, ebola spreading like a cold. Even the president would be equal.

Needless to say, at times I hate “us”. We all have it so fucking good, but we’ll complain over the slightest thing going wrong.
Sometimes the only way you can make someone see how important life is, is to wave death infront of their face.
Maybe a 3rd of the world would die if blackpox ever became a reality, but that would teach the entire planet a valuable lesson about just how precious life really is. To be thankful even for the shitty days.

And it would humble us. We think we’re so smart with our technology, our global internet, our satellites,  our space crafts…. Blackpox would be 1 billionth LESS complex than our human minds, and it would win a world wide war against us in a few short weeks.
Imagine living in a world post blackpox. Everyone is now happy just to be alive. And humble. Humble is important.
(This isn’t intended to be ‘good’, it’s intended to be me)
Pride…. Oh how I hate what pride has done to us. How I hate what we’ve done to us.

ok - more me - "paranoia"

i dont even care if this sucks, it's ME, not some bullshit intended to impress people. i typed it up really
quickly because i LIVE IT, i'm NOT pretending. and also, i'm in a really good mood tonight/morning
so i'm finding it VERY easy to type this without caring about judgement from others. if you like it, very
cool, let me know, if you don't like it, write your own poems ;)
-----------------------

“paranoia”
My head is fighting itself
Hard to not take the shot gun shells off the shelf

And everybody drops the word ‘crazy’ like it’s cool
Just remember ignorance is the tool of the fool

If you’ve ever truly lost your mind, felt like you’re trapped inside, doing time
Then you know – paranoia is no joy ride

Your parents, your friends, the people closest to you
Are suddenly all out to get you

Can’t watch the TV, can’t listen to the radio
They’re all giving hidden messages that only you will know

The meds are there to make you look like a fool
Legalized drugs, designed to help, but you know their secretly killing you

Can’t walk down the street alone, can’t turn off the lights in the middle of the night
Hidden cameras in your shower, lots of microphones, and even in your own head, you’re never right

Can’t give up though, got to continue on down the path you didn’t even choose
While the media misleads people,  and music makes “crazy” the new version of cool

Yeah, I am sick
Doesn’t mean I like it

I’m out of place no matter where I am
I can’t help myself, but nobody can

I’m not the only one, millions more weep in the night
Fighting the never ending pointless fight

My mind is my enemy, just like my closest friends
Praying I have the balls for suicide, because that’s the only way this war ends

Drugs and booze sooth and are the only tool of the confused
Wanting to let loose, want to act, but if I do that, I lose

And they can tell you “insane in the membrane”
but it’s not f’ing cool, your best tool in this dog eat dog world is your brain

worship your mind, don’t take it for granted, don’t destroy it
‘for it is no fun living the life of a REAL lunatic

I don’t fit in with anyone, me and my people are too sick to stand united
The slightest misunderstanding, the slightest confusion leads going on for hours frightened

And it’s not easy to know I can snap at the slightest thing
AM afraid I’ll pick up a glock a pipe, a bat, whatever and going on a binge

Seen things not meant for sane peoples eyes
Look out from within this desquise

I’m not like you, and you’re not like me
That’s what makes this song and dance so misleading

I have to try to understand you, but you never understand me
Then you wonder why I’m complaining and self hating in my world filled with misery

Love gets replaced with fear, friends become enemies
No one to trust, can’t even trust my own mind with this disease

This morning, they were talking about me on the radio again
Turned it off and went into a panic attack, AGAIN

In a world where only the strong survive
I’m a predator humbled to that of a victim
In a world where the strong thrive
I’m a dead man breathing inside of my minds prison

a postive poem

i just got done writing this. i know it's not the best, so i will probably try to write again. however, please don't laugh at this poem, it's intended to make you, or anyone else reading it, feel good about themselves. i have a very positive additude going right now, and i wanted to share the wealth :)
-----------------

Did you know you have the power to change it all?

Change the world, and stop man from his free fall?

Inside of your heart are ten billion soldiers strong

They’re all on your side, so you can NEVER do wrong

Insults, and cruel ways of wicked people come and go

But you’re here to stay, and prepared for the big show

Maybe you were kind to someone today

Maybe you said “Thank you” in the sincearest way

Maybe you hugged someone

Gave your kid brother a piece of bubble gum

Maybe you’re a Buddhist living in a Christian world, but decide to preach to no one

Maybe you’re a thug who long ago decided to put down your gun

Whatever is you’re doing, remember you’re not alone and we’re all in this together

It’s ok to have a bad day, it’s ok to cry, but the sun is only temporarily hiding behind the stormy weather

It will shine and shine just for you again and again

And you’ll come out with a smile in your eyes in the end

Some say mankind has gone too far already, we’re headed for doom

But with little angels like you on our side, that’s the furthest thing from the truth

lorde - you rock!

lorde rocks! she is awesome! i wish she would see me type this to know i said that, i know she probably has
enough fans already, but i'm 33, she's 16, and i STILL think she is GREAT :)

if you're unfamiliar with Lorde, listen to this song... it's not something WAY out there, kind of a calm
but cool song :)

darnit.

forget it. mom pisses me the beep off. but i dont mean to discuss her in public, even if she is a idiot AT TIMES.

btw, she's MY mom. *I* can talk smack about her. she's not YOUR mom, get it?!

things can morph

(through out this article and in life in general, i mean no, NONE, NO disrespect to *Any* religion)
i play world of warcraft often, like everyday, and i've been playing an undead priest named "oziriz" for very long time.

oziriz meaning Osiris, the Ancient Egyptian God born of Isis....

see, i've been focusing on my wow caracter and "osiris" for so darned long, in my dreams, when i'm not at my computer at any given time.... hehe, i mean it's like i've not only taken on the characteristics in thought of osiris and isis, but that they've maybe blessed my life in some ways :)

... just because people tell you "This is the way the world works" does NOT mean it works that way :)

more me. trying to find MY STYLE in this one.

the flowers plead to cry while upside down

the dead are my favorite, they control merry, go-round.

little do i know i'm part one of a million

little do i know that i'm a big fish looking out of a coffin

thy fate is not sealed, i do still seak

my maiden is NEVER revealed, though she is my pistol i carry concealed

some are so fucking stupid that they fly without manuals

i'm trying to prevent them from dancing on high-heels.

freaking tough to write freely. too many people read what i write... not that i don't like it that people like reading my writings, of course i like people reading my writings, but when i was the only one reading what i wrote it was a million times easier to type "free"

"note to self" - this is an ATTEMPT, i'm not happy with it, going to try again.

[edit: i do actually like this one, it was a lot worse when i first finished. but after reading a few times, it kind of good :) :edit]

“note to self”
Dance with the dead when you can, their beauty is priceless
Don’t feed the blind the path, unless they’re aware they’re sightless

It’s ok to feel pain, it’s ok to feel like shit
It’s not ok to accept and do nothing about it

Words might dig you a deeper hole, but you know you can crawl out
And those same words can give wings to the grounded making the shut up to the shout

Time is a rare commodity, and often people take it for granted
Don’t be the same, have the courage to BE action

Everyday you’re winning tiny victories
Tiny victories lead to the war winning memory

Remember you’re not the only one here, applaud others who try
Forget the ones who’ve truly given up and live like they’ve already died

Jfkasdljkfajskldfjklsdaa this is “ok” but I need to start over. I’m posting this, but I’m going to try to write something better, this isn’t turning out the way I want it to.

needing to give myself some space

i had told some people i'm going to type a poem soon, like tonight. i need to give myself some space as i'm currently too nervous to write up a poem. i still plan to write one, but it might not come up tonight, well i mean this morning....

still, when i'm capable, i PLAN to write a poem.

happy :)

i didn't have coffee for a few days, and most days i drink so much coffee, well without it, i'm super drowsy.
today i got coffee!

i didnt have cigarettes for quite a few days, most days i smoke a pack!
today i got cigarettes!

i didn't have headphones for my computer for like a month or longer, headphones are important for me
because they help me not pay attention to the auditory hallucinations.
today i got really nice headphones!

i AM happy :)

a note to myself

as i previously stated on my livejournal blog/journal, is that i HAVE to STOP paying attention to "signs". i really need to work on this one. thinking certain ways has taken control of my mind, and it's difficult to be free in action.

life (This is where i go "yay" with sarcasm)

my life has been hell for days now. things are starting to clear up though. in short, for days i was out of my mind, hallucinating a lot, depressed, etc.

i'll be around though when i recover.

this song ownz!

support the artist, i think this song is so new that you can't buy it YET, but when you can, if you like it, buy it :) [edit: btw, yes, with my next SSI/disability check, i'm planning on budgeting some for music. :edit]

quick note, something for people to do while bored, especially internet people.

i read something a few weeks ago about "Goals" for life.. um kind like "what youre supposed to do with life"
and it was meant to be inspiring. it was.

if i can find out who the author is, i really WILL give credit to them(i probably will in time!)
but they said something like


"experience life,
then talk about it"

thats it.

but that little statement was SO grand.

it's like, you can do anything you want in life, and then just tell everyone what you did!

it's a win win situation. you're no longer bored because you're doing something you like, and you can tell
everyone about it, like make blog post, make a youtube video, whatever, and others will win because they'll
get emotions from the interactions with your video or reading your post whatever... :)

um, i'm kind of 'drunk' right now, so maybe i'm all goofy and stuff, but this just seems like a killer fallback plan
for when sadness/depression hits. like "experience life, then talk about it"... it's just so stellar to me :)

... i'll spend some time today trying to find the author.

goals for the future

.... try to star living like a "normal" person... umm, i mean, like, take a look around my apartment, look outside... try too look at it from someone elses eye's someone who doesn't know me. not that i care, but WHAT would they think?

.. try to understand that i have a pretty darned good life going for myself.. i complain a lot, but when i really look at things, my life is quite good! it's different than most peoples lives. VERY different. but thats fine. :)

goals, world of warcraft, moving from livejournal

i think i'm finally moving here from livejournal.com. i will try to move all of those entries over here one by one but it will take a LONG time as i have like 1,236 entries going back to 2008.

anyways, over a year ago in world of warcraft, i made a goal to max out my fishing skill on my main character. well about 2 months ago, i finally did that.

now i am looking for a new goal to achieve in world of warcraft.

i am thinking i will max out cooking on my main character. but i dont know. i have a level 81 druid (my main is only level 67) and i think i might max my druid out and then instead of working on my priests professions, work on my maxed level druid's professions, because that way i will make a lot more gold in the auction houses.

i dont know though.