Dear Microsoft

poop on it. i'll just EDIT IT ALL OUT. HIDE THE TRUTH. ERASE IT ALL!

i've been listening to more and more Eric Clapton

damnit. damnit. damnit. stuck in other peoples views of my writings again. wtf happened. lastnight i could write so freely.

need that feeling back.

blackpox

Trying to say what I really want to say. It’s difficult to do said act. Especially knowing I’m going to post this in view of other people. Especially knowing I’m going to post this in view of other people and am social phobic and paranoid about others.

I called myself “blackp0x” on youtube. That’s my old name.
Blackpox is the great equalizer. Blackpox makes us all equal.
-
Ebola, only spreads through blood. Yes, it’s estimated by some to have a 95% fatality ratio in the peple it infects, but that’s only because it’s spread in Africa, in remote and poor regions where there are no real hospitals. The hospitals can’t sanitize properly there, so if one person comes in with ebola, the rest of the hospital gets it……
“Blackpox” on the other hand, is a made up version of ebola that spreads like the cold. Touch someone, your sick. Cough, and someone gets sick from you.
Imagine that, a common cold with a 95% death ratio.

We as people , especially here in the USA , like to think we’re safe.

Blackpox wouldn’t care if you’re rich, if your white or black, or if you’re happy or sad or living in California or your 83 years old or 2 years old. Blackpox wouldn’t care.
In the eyes of blackpox, we’re all the same, that is to say we’re people who are all so fucking famous in our shitty little brains that we matter. That I am important, when I’m not. That you are attractive, when you should get over it, you’re just a person.
Blackpox would kill without discrimination. Even hitler chose his victims. Blackpox would not.

We’re all equal in blackpox’ eyes.

Think about it, ebola spreading like a cold. Even the president would be equal.

Needless to say, at times I hate “us”. We all have it so fucking good, but we’ll complain over the slightest thing going wrong.
Sometimes the only way you can make someone see how important life is, is to wave death infront of their face.
Maybe a 3rd of the world would die if blackpox ever became a reality, but that would teach the entire planet a valuable lesson about just how precious life really is. To be thankful even for the shitty days.

And it would humble us. We think we’re so smart with our technology, our global internet, our satellites,  our space crafts…. Blackpox would be 1 billionth LESS complex than our human minds, and it would win a world wide war against us in a few short weeks.
Imagine living in a world post blackpox. Everyone is now happy just to be alive. And humble. Humble is important.
(This isn’t intended to be ‘good’, it’s intended to be me)
Pride…. Oh how I hate what pride has done to us. How I hate what we’ve done to us.

ok - more me - "paranoia"

i dont even care if this sucks, it's ME, not some bullshit intended to impress people. i typed it up really
quickly because i LIVE IT, i'm NOT pretending. and also, i'm in a really good mood tonight/morning
so i'm finding it VERY easy to type this without caring about judgement from others. if you like it, very
cool, let me know, if you don't like it, write your own poems ;)
-----------------------

“paranoia”
My head is fighting itself
Hard to not take the shot gun shells off the shelf

And everybody drops the word ‘crazy’ like it’s cool
Just remember ignorance is the tool of the fool

If you’ve ever truly lost your mind, felt like you’re trapped inside, doing time
Then you know – paranoia is no joy ride

Your parents, your friends, the people closest to you
Are suddenly all out to get you

Can’t watch the TV, can’t listen to the radio
They’re all giving hidden messages that only you will know

The meds are there to make you look like a fool
Legalized drugs, designed to help, but you know their secretly killing you

Can’t walk down the street alone, can’t turn off the lights in the middle of the night
Hidden cameras in your shower, lots of microphones, and even in your own head, you’re never right

Can’t give up though, got to continue on down the path you didn’t even choose
While the media misleads people,  and music makes “crazy” the new version of cool

Yeah, I am sick
Doesn’t mean I like it

I’m out of place no matter where I am
I can’t help myself, but nobody can

I’m not the only one, millions more weep in the night
Fighting the never ending pointless fight

My mind is my enemy, just like my closest friends
Praying I have the balls for suicide, because that’s the only way this war ends

Drugs and booze sooth and are the only tool of the confused
Wanting to let loose, want to act, but if I do that, I lose

And they can tell you “insane in the membrane”
but it’s not f’ing cool, your best tool in this dog eat dog world is your brain

worship your mind, don’t take it for granted, don’t destroy it
‘for it is no fun living the life of a REAL lunatic

I don’t fit in with anyone, me and my people are too sick to stand united
The slightest misunderstanding, the slightest confusion leads going on for hours frightened

And it’s not easy to know I can snap at the slightest thing
AM afraid I’ll pick up a glock a pipe, a bat, whatever and going on a binge

Seen things not meant for sane peoples eyes
Look out from within this desquise

I’m not like you, and you’re not like me
That’s what makes this song and dance so misleading

I have to try to understand you, but you never understand me
Then you wonder why I’m complaining and self hating in my world filled with misery

Love gets replaced with fear, friends become enemies
No one to trust, can’t even trust my own mind with this disease

This morning, they were talking about me on the radio again
Turned it off and went into a panic attack, AGAIN

In a world where only the strong survive
I’m a predator humbled to that of a victim
In a world where the strong thrive
I’m a dead man breathing inside of my minds prison

a postive poem

i just got done writing this. i know it's not the best, so i will probably try to write again. however, please don't laugh at this poem, it's intended to make you, or anyone else reading it, feel good about themselves. i have a very positive additude going right now, and i wanted to share the wealth :)
-----------------

Did you know you have the power to change it all?

Change the world, and stop man from his free fall?

Inside of your heart are ten billion soldiers strong

They’re all on your side, so you can NEVER do wrong

Insults, and cruel ways of wicked people come and go

But you’re here to stay, and prepared for the big show

Maybe you were kind to someone today

Maybe you said “Thank you” in the sincearest way

Maybe you hugged someone

Gave your kid brother a piece of bubble gum

Maybe you’re a Buddhist living in a Christian world, but decide to preach to no one

Maybe you’re a thug who long ago decided to put down your gun

Whatever is you’re doing, remember you’re not alone and we’re all in this together

It’s ok to have a bad day, it’s ok to cry, but the sun is only temporarily hiding behind the stormy weather

It will shine and shine just for you again and again

And you’ll come out with a smile in your eyes in the end

Some say mankind has gone too far already, we’re headed for doom

But with little angels like you on our side, that’s the furthest thing from the truth

lorde - you rock!

lorde rocks! she is awesome! i wish she would see me type this to know i said that, i know she probably has
enough fans already, but i'm 33, she's 16, and i STILL think she is GREAT :)

if you're unfamiliar with Lorde, listen to this song... it's not something WAY out there, kind of a calm
but cool song :)

darnit.

forget it. mom pisses me the beep off. but i dont mean to discuss her in public, even if she is a idiot AT TIMES.

btw, she's MY mom. *I* can talk smack about her. she's not YOUR mom, get it?!